First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1513.2—While the captain and Dr. McCoy are beaming down for the routine physical examination of the archaeologists on planet M-113, I have been assigned the task of going over the ship’s Thanksgiving checklist. Of course I did point out to Captain Kirk that 49.573 percent of the crew are non-Humans and 30.32 percent of the remainder hail from Earth cultures in which this tradition is not celebrated. However, he simply said, “So see that the chefs make something for everyone to eat. It’ll be fun, you’ll see.” Then he rubbed his hands together, grinned and walked off.
:: audible sigh ::
I shall endeavor to see what can be done with the food synthesizers to accomplish the goal of multi-cultural feast. I suspect I will be programming them for some weeks…
First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1513.5—I had a disturbing exchange with Lieutenant Uhura earlier while attempting to research Thanksgiving traditions. She insisted upon “making conversation”, asking me to tell her she was beautiful and what the Vulcan moon looks like in full phase. Only when I explained that Vulcan has no moon was I able to persuade her of the illogic of her queries. Shortly after, Captain Kirk called from the planet, saying Crewman Darnell had been killed. At this, the lieutenant became quite agitated that I was exhibiting no shock at the matter. However, having completed my research, I have determined that Thanksgiving and other Earth holidays seem to bring about extreme emotional reactions in Humans. Therefore, to Uhura, such a response must have seemed—quite logical.
Although I have not been instrumental in the investigation of Crewman Darnell’s death, other than to provide research on the Borgia root, Dr. McCoy’s main concern now seems to be with the normal amount of salt in the Human system. This has led me to realize that I must revise my first Thanksgiving menu, as the spices in the traditional Earth recipes it contains may bring about unfortunate symptoms in our non-Terran crew members. I believe McCoy himself might offer, “Back to the drawing board” as an axiom.
First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1513.7—Were I Human, I would admit to being under “holiday stress” at this time. Captain Kirk asked me to beam down and assist in the search for missing archaeologist Nancy Crater, apparently unaware of the delicate nature of the ongoing planning of Thanksgiving. Once on the surface of M-113, I quickly located the body of Crewman Green, who was thought to have returned to Enterprise on a previous beam-down. For a moment, I pondered the curious predilection Humans have for costuming themselves as one another at holidays, but then recalled that Halloween precedes Thanksgiving. This then, was not a mere prank. Captain Kirk and I pursued Professor Crater and eventually stunned him. I could not help but compare his slow-thinking state to those of Humans who experience “food comas” after ingesting a large amount of the traditional Thanksgiving meal. However, he did eventually reveal that he’d been protecting the creature who had assumed Crewman Green’s appearance—and that it had killed his wife two years before.
First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1513.9—As of this entry, I am considering myself quite accomplished. I was able to assist in identifying the salt creature masquerading as Dr. McCoy, suffer an unfortunate blow to the head, save Captain Kirk’s life and successfully persuade the real Dr. McCoy to destroy the invader—all while completing the Thanksgiving menu. I understand that Terran women also do this sort of planning while conducting their respective duties every solar year (except for the head injury, one assumes). My respect for my Human mother has increased greatly with this knowledge. The captain seemed disappointed that we have no turkey aboard and must serve synthetic meatloaf instead—but since we do have a good stock of alcoholic beverages, I am confident the meal will be recounted for many missions to come.
First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1533.7—Thanksgiving Day on Earth is tomorrow, and although I was entreated by Uhura to play my lyre on the recreation deck this evening, relaxation was destined to be short-lived. It seems that Yeoman Rand invited young Charlie Evans to attend the event. He is the sole survivor of a transport ship that crashed on the planet Thasus and Enterprise is assigned to deliver him to relatives on Alpha V. Charlie has been a problematic guest—it seems hosting them is almost a Thanksgiving tradition of its own—having already made advances on Rand so that Captain Kirk was forced to have a “man to man” talk with the boy. Strangely, Uhura lost her voice while singing tonight, and my lyre unaccountably stopped functioning… I can find no reason for its poor performance since, once back in my quarters, the instrument works perfectly.
First Officer’s Personal Log, Stardate 1534.4—If I were Doctor McCoy, I might speculate that the beginning to this Thanksgiving Day was inauspicious, at best. When I arrived on the bridge, I was told that the Antares (the ship that had delivered Charles Evans to Enterprise) had inexplicably exploded. It had also been discovered that the chess set the boy and I had used the afternoon before had been melted. Yeoman Rand, Yeoman Lawton and Sam, the captain’s personal trainer, were missing. And a lizard had been seen roaming the corridors. I am told that, under the stress, I recited poetry. I do not remember this. At last, to the immense relief of Captain Kirk, a ship of Thasians appeared and insisted upon taking Charlie away. It did in fact seem that this was the most logical of solutions.
The Human crew became most emotional at this time—again, understandable given the nature of Terran holidays. There was much sympathy for the tragedy of “Charlie X”, as he was being called. On a personal note, I can at last admit to an understanding of this Human celebration of gratitude. Because Charlie Evans did one good thing before he departed—he changed the synthetic meatloaf to turkeys. Real turkeys.
I believe that I will observe the final Thanksgiving tradition I wish to explore now that I have concluded my own meal—I will “take a nap”.